APPARENTLY I talk too much! Now any friends or family reading this will instantly be saying: “He’s finally got the message”!
Well I happen to believe most people value conversation (even though it’s a dying art in the age of iPhones and texting).
So if I know of someone going through a hard time, I will make an effort to engage with them. Why wouldn’t you? I know when I lost my mother, I saw people cross the road rather than talk to me. I guess they didn’t know what to say. Or maybe they thought I wouldn’t want to talk. Wrong!
Isn’t it better just to try? Now I do understand it doesn’t work for everyone. A close friend once said to me: “I’m not one of those people who thinks talking about it makes it any better - ok”. That’s fine. I lost nothing by trying.
I once got a name check in this very newspaper after taking part in the Taunton Half Marathon when I had just reached the age of 60. It said: “Then there was Clinton Rogers, who talked his way a round the whole course.” Charming! I thought I was just being polite to fellow runners.
I have said already, I believe technology is the death of conversation. But people are even disagreeing with me on that.
Someone I was discussing this with the other day said that iPhones are just the latest “distraction tool” to let people know you don’t want to engage in conversation, maybe sitting on a bus or a train.
This person (about my age) said that it was no different years ago. You just used a book or a newspaper to say to the world: “Leave me alone”.
I thought I would do a little research to see if anyone had ever studied the value (or otherwise) of small talk. It turns out that academic studies of the subject are few and far between.
The only theoretical account I could find was by an anthropologist called Bronisław Malinowski, in a 1923 essay called “The Problem of Meaning in Primitive Languages.” He noted that a great deal of talk “does not serve any purpose of communicating ideas” but instead “serves to establish bonds of personal union.”
There you go – I rest my case. I am just seeking to establish a bond of personal union! Or perhaps I’m just born nosey. So if you do see me – maybe just best to ignore me.
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